Tuhan bagi satu kesedihan
Tapi Dia ganti ngn seribu kegembiraan
Itulah.. kadang-kadang kegembiraan depan mata kita tak nampak.
Kat mana letaknya kesyukuran nikmat yg Allah beri?
Huhuuh.. kita..aku selalu alpha..
Ya Allah.. ampuni dosa hamba mu..
aku mohon pada mu. Permudahkan la perjalan hidup ku ini
lindungi la aku dlm lingkungan rahmat mu.
Murah kan la rezeki ku ya Allah.
Aku mohon.. ringankan la beban yg kutanggung ini
Berilah petunjuk agar aku berada di jln yg benar.
Berilah dugaan yg mampu ku tanggung dan jgnlah kau uji diriku dengan dugaan yg berat.
Moga di perkenankan doa2 hamba mu yg kerdil ini ya Allah.
aku sedar siapa diri ku di sisimu Ya rabb
Hanya ini yg mampu aku pohon.
Tiada siapa selain mu yg maha pengampun lagi maha penyayang.
Amin..
Allahu akhbar! Allahuakhbar!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Mak tok
Arini 17 June 2008
My day starts as usual. Tapi lately memang ari rasa berdebar2 ja..pastu mata plak selalu rasa kelip2 kat kelopak mata..kadang2 kanan, kadang sebelah kiri. Itula org kata nak menangis..
Dekat Kul 7 lebih ptg tu aku balik cam biasala..
abg chik nak blk sekali.. jln la sama2.. sib bek tak ujan.. jln dr office smp lrt.. org sesak..kena beratur tunggu, tapi tak lama 2nd train tu aku dpt masuk..
just about few second b4 pintu lrt tutup, my phone ring.
Papa! ala..time2 sesak camni aku payah nak angkat phone. Selalunya aku tak jawab, tapi aritu aku jawab jugak..hello?
aku dengaq sora syrn menangis dlm phone. aku rasa cam jantung aku benti time tu. Trus aku trigt kat tok. Ntah la.. lately mmg asyik trigt kat tok.. papa plak dok tanya bila nak balik. Nie lagi satu sebab wat aku tak sedap ati..
K/alyne..maktok..
huh?!.
*crying..sob..then she take a big gulp.. i can hear clearly she cry very bad
Maktok dh tak dak ...
masa tu.. org berhimpit dlm lrt tak tau la nak ckp...lembut lutut tuhan ja yg tau.. tapi aku tahan gak....i be strong.. keep telling to myself please dont fall org ramai sgt dlm lrt ni... just about smp station pasar seni.. ada org get down, abg chik manage to give someway and i get to seat. Dia soh aku calm down.. masa tu air mata berjuraian cam hujan, aku dah tak kira malu.Aku nangis ja dh tak peduli org pandang. Aku try call kakak, dia tak angkat. Batri phone dh tinggal 1 bar.. call byk kali dah kong dh phone lama aku mmg dah tunggu time ja. Tangan kaki aku dah tak rasa pijak bumi. My hand was shaking and susah nak tekan button hijau.Sib bek ada Abg chik tolong call kakak and when he manage to get the line.. all aku say, kak.. maktok.. then my eyes starts drolling again.. and she she response sama ja cam aku. When i say maktok dah tak dak.. she just shocked and keep quite. Aku ulang lagi sekali and starts crying and i can see ppl looking and staring.
So smp ja station Tmn Jaya, stop yg selalu kakak pick me up, aku turun c2, abg chik kata dia nak teman. I couldnt bother. Selangkah ja keluar dr lrt tu.. aku meraug sesungguh hati.. dr td tahan dlm lrt malu nak nangis. So out of train, so do my heart cry out loud. Memang ramai org kat situ, but all i could remember was, aku menangis kat tmp duduk lrt tu.
Then jumpa kakak kat keta.. tru menangis and senyap ja all the way Federal hyway to home. Manage to tell my cousins along the way and my boss. I want to go back home. That all i could remember saying to him.
Kul10pm mlm tu kami kluar umh smp dlm kul12.Kakak pecut tak kira dlm 130 -140km/hr
so ada plak polis block and ask why .. so apa lagi muka sememeh ja 2-2org.. polis tu pun kesian tak bole nak kata apa..masa tu just about after tol ipoh
"adik nak pi mana mlm2 ni?"
me Huh?..blur(bole?)..kakak.. muka bersalah buka tingkap and 2-2 muka tengah sebek..
"nak balik kg..nenek meninggal"
"oo.. ye ke.. bawak elok2.. smp bwk tu baca alfatihah sedekah byk2"
me *fuh lega..dlm ati
then we continue our journey ..
smp ja kat umh tok.. which i always called umh chikTa umh tok,
lampu cerah ja terpasang..pintu memang terbuka luas..
aku memang dah tak pandang kiri kanan trus ja masuk, pi kat mayat tok terbaring kat atas katil.
mama sempat peluk kakak, and she cried at mama's lap..
me was still in shocked and sitting next to maktol's body and cry.
me ratu air mata, cucu kesayangan maktok.. i was there and staring at maktok.
Papa cried outside the house. I know he cant see this moment.
What else then just al-fatihah mengiringi maktok..
siapa pun tak sempat jumpa dia..
maktok pergi mmg dlm keadaan tenang dan sekejap sgt.
masa tu pakcik rodhi nak p beli nasik before he leave to pick up ifaf kat tuisyen and Najwan was home wastching tv. petang2 time 6.30 tu mmg her tv session la.
So pakcik rodhi cita yg dia lalu dpn blk tok, dia mmg dok tido cam biasa.
she was weak when the last time i when back to see her.. badan dia pun cam panas demam dedar ja..
then pakcik rodhi about to leave the house dia rasa tak sedap ati then pusing balik pi tgk tok. Dia tgk tok dh lain mcm ja.. then he quikly when to our house to inform papa, but then papa plak bru blk dr jumpa kawan dia, then trus pi umh tok, mama pun baru smp blk dr keja bila nampak papa jln nak pi umh tok, so every body was just about time to arive then trus pi tgk mak tok dah tak dak.
Papa kata, maktok pi dlm keadaan tenang and mcm dia tak mau bg kami tgk masa dia pi. So we wont be as sad. Muka dia tak dak pun kerut2. Aku doa sgt dia tenang dan aman.
Papa dh decide nak kebumi lepas zohor, kami bg mandi tu suma, masa last bg mandi tok tu aku sedey sgt. rasa rindu sgt kat dia. Tu la last
Syrn penah mimpi jumpa tok.. dia gtau aku.. yg maktok gtau kat dia yg soh gtau aku yg dia syg sgt kat aku.. huhuhu.. sedeynya.. aku tak penah mimpi jumpa tok.. tapi org len penah.
Masa last aku blk jumpa tok tu.. dia ada usap tgn aku.. aku ta pasan sgt.. sebb tak sangka kan? that would be the last. the way she look at me, stare really2 stare deep into my eyes.. mcm last ja .. ye la mcm aku kata td.. siapa sangka? aku pelik gak.. napa tok usap tgn aku camtu..aku ada gtau dia..kiss dia..hug dia.. aku gtau yg aku sayang sgt kat dia.. pastu aku kata nanti alyne blk lagi k? jumpa tok.. dia tanya bila?..huhuhu aku senyap.. keja susah nak dpt cuti.. so i wont know when ..all i could do is just smile..
huhuuhh.. tok... alyne rindu kat tok
ntah la.. kadang2 terigt balik byk sgt nak cerita.. masa dia sakit aku selalu hug dia b4 balik kl.. dia mesti stare mata aku, pastu penah sekali tu.. dia pegang pipi aku dia kata muka aku lebaq besaq pinggan..heheheh.. i can never forget that! tok..tok. you are just cute the way you are. very firm, strong lady. tak penah tunjuk kecik ati.. but i just know when you are.
i just mis my childhood sleeping in your lap, smells of your kain sarong really make me feel comfort and feels really close to you.
i just love you so much maktok. masa kecik2 kan.. aku tido bilik tak de kipas angin, tok kipas aku ari2 ngn paper lama. pastu bila berpeluh (aku kuat peluh time kecik2 dulu) mesti gatal belakang. tok nanti garu belakang aku.
maktok memang syg aku pd org len.. nampak sgt. but she will still keep a stern face and mention to ifaf and nurhan yg dia sayang suma cucu2 dia sama rata. I have tonnes of stiries about my maktok. I even wrote stories masa form 2, essay and get to read in front of the class. Heheheh bangga ooo.. she inspire me alot. i wrote it from my heart tak sangka plak cikgu tu suka. i did even think to write for homework.
Tok penah gak time akhir2 aku blk jumpa dia, dia dh tak larat ckp.. byk diam dah time tu, dia nangis time aku ckp nak blk, pastu aku hug dia then dia amik airmata dia then dia sapu kat tgn aku. i tot it was funny. Cam biasala aku tanya, awat tok? ..aku nak hg kenang kat aku. sokni aku tak dak hampa igt airmata aku..
masa tu terkunci mulut aku tak tau nak kata apa. Tok memang tau aku klo menangis mmg tak bole berenti, ratu air mata dia panggey. dia tau, aku mesti menangis klo aku teringat kat dia. Tak pa la, sabar and sedekah al-fatihah ja yg aku mampu skgni.
All i could think was, aku la yg paling cengeng dlm family. bila nangis ja.. nak ngadu apa2 aku mesti lari pi kat tok.. aku cita suma kat tok..sikit2 maktok. So sekarang ni aku dh tak tau nak cita ngn sapa. I dont have tok anymoe.I miss her dearly..
...maktok...
People come and people go and they will leave footprint in ourlife. But only those who are very closed to your heart will remain their footprints forever.
Dalam kenangan
17 June 2008 bersamaan 13 Jamadilakhir 1429
Allahyarhamah Hjh Fatimah Bt Ahmad
Al-Fatihah..
My day starts as usual. Tapi lately memang ari rasa berdebar2 ja..pastu mata plak selalu rasa kelip2 kat kelopak mata..kadang2 kanan, kadang sebelah kiri. Itula org kata nak menangis..
Dekat Kul 7 lebih ptg tu aku balik cam biasala..
abg chik nak blk sekali.. jln la sama2.. sib bek tak ujan.. jln dr office smp lrt.. org sesak..kena beratur tunggu, tapi tak lama 2nd train tu aku dpt masuk..
just about few second b4 pintu lrt tutup, my phone ring.
Papa! ala..time2 sesak camni aku payah nak angkat phone. Selalunya aku tak jawab, tapi aritu aku jawab jugak..hello?
aku dengaq sora syrn menangis dlm phone. aku rasa cam jantung aku benti time tu. Trus aku trigt kat tok. Ntah la.. lately mmg asyik trigt kat tok.. papa plak dok tanya bila nak balik. Nie lagi satu sebab wat aku tak sedap ati..
K/alyne..maktok..
huh?!.
*crying..sob..then she take a big gulp.. i can hear clearly she cry very bad
Maktok dh tak dak ...
masa tu.. org berhimpit dlm lrt tak tau la nak ckp...lembut lutut tuhan ja yg tau.. tapi aku tahan gak....i be strong.. keep telling to myself please dont fall org ramai sgt dlm lrt ni... just about smp station pasar seni.. ada org get down, abg chik manage to give someway and i get to seat. Dia soh aku calm down.. masa tu air mata berjuraian cam hujan, aku dah tak kira malu.Aku nangis ja dh tak peduli org pandang. Aku try call kakak, dia tak angkat. Batri phone dh tinggal 1 bar.. call byk kali dah kong dh phone lama aku mmg dah tunggu time ja. Tangan kaki aku dah tak rasa pijak bumi. My hand was shaking and susah nak tekan button hijau.Sib bek ada Abg chik tolong call kakak and when he manage to get the line.. all aku say, kak.. maktok.. then my eyes starts drolling again.. and she she response sama ja cam aku. When i say maktok dah tak dak.. she just shocked and keep quite. Aku ulang lagi sekali and starts crying and i can see ppl looking and staring.
So smp ja station Tmn Jaya, stop yg selalu kakak pick me up, aku turun c2, abg chik kata dia nak teman. I couldnt bother. Selangkah ja keluar dr lrt tu.. aku meraug sesungguh hati.. dr td tahan dlm lrt malu nak nangis. So out of train, so do my heart cry out loud. Memang ramai org kat situ, but all i could remember was, aku menangis kat tmp duduk lrt tu.
Then jumpa kakak kat keta.. tru menangis and senyap ja all the way Federal hyway to home. Manage to tell my cousins along the way and my boss. I want to go back home. That all i could remember saying to him.
Kul10pm mlm tu kami kluar umh smp dlm kul12.Kakak pecut tak kira dlm 130 -140km/hr
so ada plak polis block and ask why .. so apa lagi muka sememeh ja 2-2org.. polis tu pun kesian tak bole nak kata apa..masa tu just about after tol ipoh
"adik nak pi mana mlm2 ni?"
me Huh?..blur(bole?)..kakak.. muka bersalah buka tingkap and 2-2 muka tengah sebek..
"nak balik kg..nenek meninggal"
"oo.. ye ke.. bawak elok2.. smp bwk tu baca alfatihah sedekah byk2"
me *fuh lega..dlm ati
then we continue our journey ..
smp ja kat umh tok.. which i always called umh chikTa umh tok,
lampu cerah ja terpasang..pintu memang terbuka luas..
aku memang dah tak pandang kiri kanan trus ja masuk, pi kat mayat tok terbaring kat atas katil.
mama sempat peluk kakak, and she cried at mama's lap..
me was still in shocked and sitting next to maktol's body and cry.
me ratu air mata, cucu kesayangan maktok.. i was there and staring at maktok.
Papa cried outside the house. I know he cant see this moment.
What else then just al-fatihah mengiringi maktok..
siapa pun tak sempat jumpa dia..
maktok pergi mmg dlm keadaan tenang dan sekejap sgt.
masa tu pakcik rodhi nak p beli nasik before he leave to pick up ifaf kat tuisyen and Najwan was home wastching tv. petang2 time 6.30 tu mmg her tv session la.
So pakcik rodhi cita yg dia lalu dpn blk tok, dia mmg dok tido cam biasa.
she was weak when the last time i when back to see her.. badan dia pun cam panas demam dedar ja..
then pakcik rodhi about to leave the house dia rasa tak sedap ati then pusing balik pi tgk tok. Dia tgk tok dh lain mcm ja.. then he quikly when to our house to inform papa, but then papa plak bru blk dr jumpa kawan dia, then trus pi umh tok, mama pun baru smp blk dr keja bila nampak papa jln nak pi umh tok, so every body was just about time to arive then trus pi tgk mak tok dah tak dak.
Papa kata, maktok pi dlm keadaan tenang and mcm dia tak mau bg kami tgk masa dia pi. So we wont be as sad. Muka dia tak dak pun kerut2. Aku doa sgt dia tenang dan aman.
Papa dh decide nak kebumi lepas zohor, kami bg mandi tu suma, masa last bg mandi tok tu aku sedey sgt. rasa rindu sgt kat dia. Tu la last
Syrn penah mimpi jumpa tok.. dia gtau aku.. yg maktok gtau kat dia yg soh gtau aku yg dia syg sgt kat aku.. huhuhu.. sedeynya.. aku tak penah mimpi jumpa tok.. tapi org len penah.
Masa last aku blk jumpa tok tu.. dia ada usap tgn aku.. aku ta pasan sgt.. sebb tak sangka kan? that would be the last. the way she look at me, stare really2 stare deep into my eyes.. mcm last ja .. ye la mcm aku kata td.. siapa sangka? aku pelik gak.. napa tok usap tgn aku camtu..aku ada gtau dia..kiss dia..hug dia.. aku gtau yg aku sayang sgt kat dia.. pastu aku kata nanti alyne blk lagi k? jumpa tok.. dia tanya bila?..huhuhu aku senyap.. keja susah nak dpt cuti.. so i wont know when ..all i could do is just smile..
huhuuhh.. tok... alyne rindu kat tok
ntah la.. kadang2 terigt balik byk sgt nak cerita.. masa dia sakit aku selalu hug dia b4 balik kl.. dia mesti stare mata aku, pastu penah sekali tu.. dia pegang pipi aku dia kata muka aku lebaq besaq pinggan..heheheh.. i can never forget that! tok..tok. you are just cute the way you are. very firm, strong lady. tak penah tunjuk kecik ati.. but i just know when you are.
i just mis my childhood sleeping in your lap, smells of your kain sarong really make me feel comfort and feels really close to you.
i just love you so much maktok. masa kecik2 kan.. aku tido bilik tak de kipas angin, tok kipas aku ari2 ngn paper lama. pastu bila berpeluh (aku kuat peluh time kecik2 dulu) mesti gatal belakang. tok nanti garu belakang aku.
maktok memang syg aku pd org len.. nampak sgt. but she will still keep a stern face and mention to ifaf and nurhan yg dia sayang suma cucu2 dia sama rata. I have tonnes of stiries about my maktok. I even wrote stories masa form 2, essay and get to read in front of the class. Heheheh bangga ooo.. she inspire me alot. i wrote it from my heart tak sangka plak cikgu tu suka. i did even think to write for homework.
Tok penah gak time akhir2 aku blk jumpa dia, dia dh tak larat ckp.. byk diam dah time tu, dia nangis time aku ckp nak blk, pastu aku hug dia then dia amik airmata dia then dia sapu kat tgn aku. i tot it was funny. Cam biasala aku tanya, awat tok? ..aku nak hg kenang kat aku. sokni aku tak dak hampa igt airmata aku..
masa tu terkunci mulut aku tak tau nak kata apa. Tok memang tau aku klo menangis mmg tak bole berenti, ratu air mata dia panggey. dia tau, aku mesti menangis klo aku teringat kat dia. Tak pa la, sabar and sedekah al-fatihah ja yg aku mampu skgni.
All i could think was, aku la yg paling cengeng dlm family. bila nangis ja.. nak ngadu apa2 aku mesti lari pi kat tok.. aku cita suma kat tok..sikit2 maktok. So sekarang ni aku dh tak tau nak cita ngn sapa. I dont have tok anymoe.I miss her dearly..
...maktok...
People come and people go and they will leave footprint in ourlife. But only those who are very closed to your heart will remain their footprints forever.
Dalam kenangan
17 June 2008 bersamaan 13 Jamadilakhir 1429
Allahyarhamah Hjh Fatimah Bt Ahmad
Al-Fatihah..
Monday, November 10, 2008
Al-Fatihah
Me: oit.. td hang pi umh aunty ropani ka?
syrn: yup2
syrn: uhuhuh
syrn: sdey~
Me: huhuhu aku pun terkejut td papa sms
Me: kesian... kawan aku time kecik2...
syrn: dy mmg da nazak
syrn: tu la
syrn: masa nk balek tu
syrn: antie ropanio nangey pelok mama
syrn: kn mama slalu p tgk kn
syrn: dy kata
syrn: "hg jga la alyne elok2..anak aku Dia da amek balek..Dia bg pnjam smpai sni ja.."
syrn: sdey kot
Huhuh.. part of dialoge me & my sis td kat messenger..
My friend who is my classmate masa kecik2 dulu darjah 6, main sama2.. comot..bergaduh la.. those good old days tak mengenal erti kehidupan lagi.. tak penah dengki.. gaduh2 pastu kejap ja tak sampai 2 minit dah kawan balik..siapa sangka.. tuhan lebih menyayangi dia.
Dzul dah lama sakit canser ractum. My mom knows. Mama memang ada pi lawat dia masa sakit dok kat ward dulu. Mama & aunty Ropani sama2 keja kat GH Penang tu. Study pun sama kat Unisel, anak2 pun sama.
Dzul sebaya ngn aku, Nadia same age ngn syrn, even adik dia aizat sebaya ngn adeq. tolak yg last kecik sekali pompuan kot, aku tak igt diorg ni ada adik kami ada kakak.
Tadi petang lepas balik keja, turun kat lrt Bangsar, cam biasa abg dah tunggu. Then we go and eat dinner at close by mamak shop area taman desa ni. Masa tu dpt sms papa gtau yg Dzul dah meninggal dlm maghrib camtu. Tak sangka sgt. Last balik penang time cuti Deepavali aritu, masa nak anta aku gi stesen bas nak blk KL, papa ada cita yg Dzul nie dah teruk sgt dh, dia sakit canser. aku tanya.. huh?!lama dah ka?..papa kata.. lama dah...aku tak tau pun.. depa pun tau masa dah kronik.
Aku tak sangka plak Aunty Ropani nak ckp camtu kat mama.Huhuhuu.. emo plak. Yg paling tak tahan wat air mata aku tak benti menangis bila syrn gtau yg esok adik dia Aizat nak amik SPM.
Kesian adik2 dia byk sacrifice masa dia dlm chemo. Life seems so hard for his sister to persue her studies. Aizat plak, esok nak SPM.
Sometime i feel greatful bersyukur sgt2 dengan segala apa yg ALlah beri pada kita. Kejadian menimpa org lain bg aku tamparan yg kadang2 tu kita leka, lupa akan apa yg kita ada. Kita asyik mengomel, bersungut itu tak kena, ini tak kena.
Patutnya aku toleh kebelakang, dan lihat, sesungguhnya Allah tu Maha Adil.
Aku patut mensyukuri dengan apa yg ada bukannya merunggut apa yg tak ada.
syrn: yup2
syrn: uhuhuh
syrn: sdey~
Me: huhuhu aku pun terkejut td papa sms
Me: kesian... kawan aku time kecik2...
syrn: dy mmg da nazak
syrn: tu la
syrn: masa nk balek tu
syrn: antie ropanio nangey pelok mama
syrn: kn mama slalu p tgk kn
syrn: dy kata
syrn: "hg jga la alyne elok2..anak aku Dia da amek balek..Dia bg pnjam smpai sni ja.."
syrn: sdey kot
Huhuh.. part of dialoge me & my sis td kat messenger..
My friend who is my classmate masa kecik2 dulu darjah 6, main sama2.. comot..bergaduh la.. those good old days tak mengenal erti kehidupan lagi.. tak penah dengki.. gaduh2 pastu kejap ja tak sampai 2 minit dah kawan balik..siapa sangka.. tuhan lebih menyayangi dia.
Dzul dah lama sakit canser ractum. My mom knows. Mama memang ada pi lawat dia masa sakit dok kat ward dulu. Mama & aunty Ropani sama2 keja kat GH Penang tu. Study pun sama kat Unisel, anak2 pun sama.
Dzul sebaya ngn aku, Nadia same age ngn syrn, even adik dia aizat sebaya ngn adeq. tolak yg last kecik sekali pompuan kot, aku tak igt diorg ni ada adik kami ada kakak.
Tadi petang lepas balik keja, turun kat lrt Bangsar, cam biasa abg dah tunggu. Then we go and eat dinner at close by mamak shop area taman desa ni. Masa tu dpt sms papa gtau yg Dzul dah meninggal dlm maghrib camtu. Tak sangka sgt. Last balik penang time cuti Deepavali aritu, masa nak anta aku gi stesen bas nak blk KL, papa ada cita yg Dzul nie dah teruk sgt dh, dia sakit canser. aku tanya.. huh?!lama dah ka?..papa kata.. lama dah...aku tak tau pun.. depa pun tau masa dah kronik.
Aku tak sangka plak Aunty Ropani nak ckp camtu kat mama.Huhuhuu.. emo plak. Yg paling tak tahan wat air mata aku tak benti menangis bila syrn gtau yg esok adik dia Aizat nak amik SPM.
Kesian adik2 dia byk sacrifice masa dia dlm chemo. Life seems so hard for his sister to persue her studies. Aizat plak, esok nak SPM.
Sometime i feel greatful bersyukur sgt2 dengan segala apa yg ALlah beri pada kita. Kejadian menimpa org lain bg aku tamparan yg kadang2 tu kita leka, lupa akan apa yg kita ada. Kita asyik mengomel, bersungut itu tak kena, ini tak kena.
Patutnya aku toleh kebelakang, dan lihat, sesungguhnya Allah tu Maha Adil.
Aku patut mensyukuri dengan apa yg ada bukannya merunggut apa yg tak ada.
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